The Love of a Good Friend

Sometimes, life can be really difficult.

A lot of people come in and out of our lives, they are sometimes here a short while and then you go your separate ways. People move, they die, they simply stop calling. Sometimes there is a reason, sometimes there isn't. It takes two to make a relationship work, and it takes two to make it fail.

A few months ago, something happened between me & my aunt. I made a poor choice in judgement, for which I repented and said I was sorry. Apparently, my sorry was not the "right kind of sorry", and we haven't spoken in 6 months. Loyalty is funny - because I also haven't talked to either of my cousins, or my uncle because of this incident.

They have continued to have family functions, gatherings and parties without me. My mom has gone & they have not included me. I didn't really think anything of it until the one cousin I am speaking to told me that they lied to her about why I wasn't there.

It really hurt.

But .... It has been 6 months and at this point - I don't really know what to say to them. I thought that our disagreement was apparently smaller than they did. I had no idea that it made them not want to include me. I had no idea that they could celebrate things and not even care that I wasn't there.

It has been 6 months, and with each passing day, I honestly find myself caring less.

That seems cold to say. But...

I still have a family. In the traditional sense, no.

I'm adopted, so I don't have the same sense of what a blood relative means. It's foreign to me.

My family is who I make it.

My family are the people I call when I am in a jam.

A few weeks ago, Kaitlyn and I got into a really big pickle. We had movers bail on us and WE NEEDED TO MOVE.

It's 11 PM, Kaitlyn is crying and on the phone with her parents. I knew I had to do something. I reached into my pocket and contemplated who to call/text.

I was fortunate to only have to think for about one minute.

My first text went to Bill. He and Ann-Renee have always been there when I needed someone. Ann-Renee and I have been best friends for many years, and I truly know that we are meant to be friends forever. Bill would do anything for us & he is the brother that I never had.

My second text went to Matt. He tries to come off like a tough guy that doesn't care, but he is really a very kind person. He and Cara would do anything for you that they could.

My third text went to Steph, because she more than anyone would have jumped out of bed and into the car (bringing Joe along) if I asked her to. She and Joe have been the greatest, they let Scout stay for a few weeks when we were in a bind and took care of her like we couldn't.

Over the course of moving into our new house, we have had all of our friends help us, without asking for a single thing in return. Laura took not one, but two trips with us to get our washer and dryer. Colby answered all my silly tenant/renter questions. Shay, Julie, the Gaskey's and the Cortez's have been checking on us since we have moved, to see if they could help in any way. Even though we will miss them Saturday, Brittney and Amber were kind enough to get us something that matches our house perfectly.

Our true heartfelt thanks to each one of you. Kaitlyn's family is not here & I am not really sure of where I stand with mine. However, the comforting part is that we have each of you that we can count on at a moment's notice. We can't tell you how much that means to us. It makes me sleep easier at night, knowing that if something ever happened to me, that Kaitlyn would be surrounded by family here as well.

I don't know what will happen in the next few months between my family and I. I could pick up the phone, yes. The question is, do I want to? I haven't yet & neither have they. Are we being stubborn? Sure. If something happened to any of us, would we have regrets? On both sides, probably. But that fact hasn't stopped any of us from changing our behavior.

The holidays are a tricky time for me as it is, since my Dad is no longer with me it is still lonely at times. I have Kaitlyn & her family, but a huge chunk of me aches for him during this time. It still takes my breath away to this day. This year will be no different. I will be surrounded by the happiness of the Netherton's and that will bring me more comfort than heartache, so for that I am grateful. But if I can't reach some sort of understanding with them... I don't know what we could reconcile, ever. If the holidays don't bring us together... what will? A question I don't think I want the answer to ....

I'll love you forever, I'll like you for always

 September 17, 2006.

I remember this day like it was yesterday. I was at the gas station with my mom, we were already on our way to see him. The nursing home called me & said I needed to be there soon, my Dad wasn't doing well. I thought it was odd that they didn't call my mom, but later I realized why. They knew he didn't have much longer. We got there and walking into the hallway we were greeted by all the nurses. They all looked concerned. I walked into where my Dad was. He was hooked up to the oxygen & not breathing very well at all. He grabbed my hand and squeezed it really, really hard. He was kind of rocking back and forth & you could tell he was scared. He had Alzheimer's, and it has been months since he recognized me. But he could feel me on that day. He looked scared but calm to see me. I put my hand on his shoulder and said, "Dad, I love you. It's going to be ok. I love you and we will be ok". He had told me once a long time ago that he was scared to die.  We had probably been there about five minutes. It was too much for my mom so she had to leave the room. It was just me & him, and all I could do was hold his hand. A few seconds later, he was still and he was gone. He was smiling and I held on to his hand a few more minutes. I knew I'd need to remember that for the rest of my life. I walked out of the room and told my mom. She cried & all the nurses were crying too. They gave us a few minutes to clean out his room. The local funeral home came and got him, so we could bring him back to Lewisville.

His funeral was on September 20, 2006. It was such a windy day. My mom was worried no one would come to the funeral, but we were so shocked by the number of people that showed up. Almost my mom's whole school came, and a bunch of my friends that I hadn't seen in a long time. It meant to much to me. My uncle gave a wonderful eulogy & it made me happy to remember my father like that. I carried one of his favorite rosaries & to this day it is on my nightstand. I will keep it always.

My Dad was everything to me. He was my hero, my buddy, the funniest guy I'd ever met. I wish so much he could be here to see how I am doing today. He would love that we are moving into a brand new house & he would be so proud to tell all his friends. He would love Kait & he would love that I am happy. That was all he ever wanted. It is hard that he isn't here when I need fatherly advice. He always knew what to do or say. But I carry him with me every day & try to be the person he'd want me to be.

The picture above is the last good picture we have together. I wish we had more, but I have many memories of him to keep with me. When it's quiet at night, I think of him and I miss him. He read me the children's book with the line, "I'll love you forever, I'll like you for always, as long as I'm living, my baby you'll be". That is true. As long as I'm living, his baby I will be.

Tears from Heaven

August 15, 1935

This was the day my Dad was born. He would have been 77 today. Doesn't that sound old? He passed away when he was 71. I wish I had talked to him more about what America was like when he was a kid. He talked about it some, because he grew up in New York City. He used to tell me stories of running around the city, getting into trouble & being adventurous. In my mind, he was a city version of Huckleberry Finn. He was very independent, he taught himself to drive, owned his own small business, and somehow made it through life without ever learning to swim. He traveled the world, and saw all but one continent. He made dozens of trips to Asia and Europe. Among his belongings I found a photograph of Hilter. He was a very interesting human being. Despite being adopted, I am a carbon copy of him. We look alike, we mostly think alike, and we have the same spirit. I can't tell you how many times I have heard my mom say, "You are just like your father!"

I have fond memories of him, and I know my middle/high school friends do as well. Everyone that met him was greeted with a warm hug and a gentle smile. And you always left smiling. One of my favorite memories was from when I was in college. I was watching Finding Nemo with them, but left before it ended. When I called to say I had made it home safe, he answered the phone and said very sincerely, "the little fish made it. I just wanted you to know". I said, thanks Dad. Little did I know that would be one of the last good memories I had of him. Kait has this movie on our shelf and every time I see it, it takes me back to that day and that phone call. It makes me slightly sad to see, but mostly happy, because that was just who he was.

I think about him every day, but especially today. He was a great keeper of gifts & every year I spent weeks figuring out what to get him, just the right gift. He was always grateful no matter what you got him, but of course I wanted it to be special. When he passed away, I found a box of most of the gifts I had given him over the years. I was so floored when I found it. I couldn't believe he kept so many of my things. He must have treasured them, so the time I spent thinking about his gift was well worth it. Kait sometimes makes fun of me for holding on to things, birthday cards, postcards, etc. But the feeling that came over me when I found that box, was priceless. You just never know when it is going to be the last time you hear from someone.

My dad was taken from me when I was 23. That is a long time, but at the same time, not long at all. I was lucky to spend 23 years with him. Of course I wish I had more, but the 23 were wonderful. Well, 21 of them. Two watching him slowly pass away were not. But 21 glorious years. No matter what age you loose someone close to you, its difficult. I pray each day for those in the same situation to feel no pain. I feel for people like my friend Ashley, who's son will never really know his father because he passed away when his son was so young. She will tell you though, that out of great heart ache can come great miracles. My Dad left me a lot to live up to, and I work on it each day. In a long series of events, it led me to Kaitlyn, and that is a road I am glad I have traveled. I thank Heaven above for her every day, and I hope she knows that.

Every time I hear Phillip Phillips song, Home , it makes me smile and these past six years. I felt so many emotions when my Dad passed away. I was mostly lost, I just couldn't image achieving any more milestones without him. I just kept hearing him say, "Keep holding on, it will get better", "hang in there, you can do it", or "I am with you, I am always with you". He was right. I kept going, I kept hoping and praying, and in September of 2010, my whole world changed. I have so many things I am looking forward to again, and I have Kaitlyn here with me for all of them. She has made me able to settle down, and make this my home.

 

They're just chicken nuggets, what's the big deal??

So it has been a while since I have posted. A lot has been going on, Kaitlyn got really sick and my attention has been elsewhere. However, due to some recent media events, I am ready to share my thoughts with you again.

First, let me start off by saying I try to respect everyone & I think of myself as a fairly good friend. Judging by my circle of close friends, I think that they agree with that statement. I generally am pretty laid back, I try for the most part to mind my own business and let you mind yours. This particular topic that I keep writing about keeps surfacing and so it is now time for me to speak my own words. It's my blog & I can say what I want. I respect if you and I don't share the same opinion & if that is the case, don't read it. 

Writing on this particular topic always makes me emotional. When I write these blogs, I am usually by myself, with my headphones on so I can focus. Today is no exception. My friends all know I am gay and that I of course, have an opinion. I do. I feel that it is my facebook and my twitter and I can post what I want. Sometimes I get annoyed at what people post, but I just scroll right past it. That is the beauty of the internet, if you don't want to read it or see it, don't. It does hurt me that some people have been so annoyed by all the recent Chik fil a events that they post about it. It's not just about sandwiches. I'm not asking you to share my beliefs or agree with me, or telling you that I hate you if you don't agree. But I do not feel appreciated that some people find this issue so annoying, when it is clearly so important to us. When an issue is important to someone that is important to me, I stand by my friend. I don’t diminish their struggles. I don’t make them feel silly for their opinion or their beliefs. I let them be who they are.  This issue has nothing to do with food, but everything to do with the heart.

I’m somewhat lazy today, so from here on out I will refer to Chick fil a as “the chick”. Please don’t confuse that with my chick, (Kaitlyn). J

The chick donates millions to three very prominent organizations that actively puruse the “foundation” of marriage, as they like to call it. All of their mission statements very clearly define marriage as “between one man and one woman”. Did you know that among other things, they actively believe that single mothers should not raise children? That it is detrimental to our society, and that is a economic burden for everyone else. For those of you that are single mothers, you should have an opinion about this one. I know several single mothers & I couldn’t be more proud of them. I don’t feel they are a burden to me or to society. But these groups do. This excerpt comes straight from the FRC website –

            FRC strongly supports adoption, particularly as an alternative to abortion, single parenthood, or foster care. The purpose of adoption is not to provide children for adults who want them, but to provide for children families that give them the experience of intact married family life as much as possible. Adoption policy should therefore include a primary preference for placing children with a married mother and father as long as such are available.

I’m sorry – what?! So if just one of my parents had wanted me, that wouldn’t have been ok? My parents adopted me because they were unable to have children. They were the “adults who wanted them”. They were great parents. They took care of me from day one, walked with me into adulthood, and still are an active part of my life. They wanted kids. I was given to them by the blessing of God. That’s it. Would one of them have been any less of a parent without the other? No. A single parent is no less of a parent because they don’t have a spouse. They are stronger, because they have to take on both roles. Being a single parent makes you no less caring or capable than a married couple.

Moving on, The Family Foundation’s mission statement gives you the same tagline, “marriage between one man and one woman”. They are actively attempting to block same sex couples from having domestic partner benefits. Why is this important? We are not parents yet, but someday we hope to be. For those of you who are, this will probably tug at your heartstrings. Imagine this. You and your spouse hope and pray and plan to have a baby. You wait 9 long months for this little bundle of joy to enter this world. You think day and night about 10 healthy little fingers and 10 healthy little toes. You wonder, “is this kid going to look like me?” You hope and you pray that you are able to give this kid every ounce of love that you can and that you, as a parent, are prepared to emotionally, financially, and physically support them until the day you die. It’s delivery day and you are off to the hospital. You are in the delivery room, you’re full of emotion and the moment is here – your baby is finally ready to enter the world! What a special moment. But then, something happens. Something isn’t right. Suddenly doctors are flooding around your spouse, and whisking your baby off. “What’s wrong?!”, you cry out. A doctor answers, “the baby is in trouble, and your wife is too”. Your worst fears are coming to life. You’re standing there, and you can’t make a decision for either one of them. By law, you are not married, and therefore, can’t save your wife. And since you aren’t married, the child that you watched grow inside your wife is technically not yours, and therefore you can’t do anything for them either. You can’t save them. You just have to wait. How does that feel?

Exodus International is the third – and it repeats the same information. In summary, “pray the gay away”. I will give them some props, because in four very clear paragraphs they state that they do not condone any violence towards homosexuals. So for that, thank you.

So back to my point, what does this have to do with the chick? It’s just chicken, right? Wrong. Children do not come out of the womb hating, discriminating or judging. It’s behavior that is taught, and these groups profit from actively working to suppress my life choices.

Hatred is taught, and hatred of homosexuals runs deep.

Just in the past few weeks, let me give you some examples of the hatred –

A teenage lesbian couple was found shot in a park.

A lesbian couples neighborhood was spray painted with anti gay slurs

An 18-year-old gay man from Texas allegedly slain by a classmate who feared a sexual advance.

A 24-year-old lesbian from Florida purportedly killed by her girlfriend's father, who disapproved of the relationship.

A 14 year- old was brutally beaten, bullied and harassed in the school cafeteria by fellow students shouting homophobic epithets.

Two unnamed men were caught on video yelling anti-LGBTQH slurs and beating two other patrons

Pastor Charles L. Worley of Providence Road Baptist Church was videotaped condemning President Obama’s support of same-gender marriage and calling for LGBTQH people to be put in a pen and electrified until they were killed.

Kids all across the country are taking their own lives, because they simply can’t take it anymore.

Most of you don’t have to think twice when you are out with your loved one. You can act how you want and be who you want, and never give it a second thought. We have to always be conscious of our surroundings – I don’t want to end up a headline.

Just the other day, when Kaitlyn was so sick I took her to the emergency clinic. She was scared and not feeling well. I could hear the nurses from the other side of the curtain talking about us. It would give me no greater heartache then to think that she would receive worse medical care and advice because we are the same sex. Often times we are out trying to enjoy a simple meal, and people stare at us. As if we are doing something wrong. People have gone so far as to turn their chairs around to watch us. Are we hurting you? I am going to eat, be polite to my server, and then leave a 20% tip. I’m not going to bother anyone, or act out. But people treat us like we are less. As if our money is not the same, or that we are going to rub our gayness off on them. It makes us feel less than who we are. We try to maintain a low profile, if you saw us out, you’d just think we are friends or sisters. But we don’t always get treated like that, and for that, it makes me sick.

For those of you that have kids - what if your kid walks up to you some day and says, "Mom & Dad, I'm gay". Are you going to continue to support those organizations that tell society that this is so wrong? Are you going to continue to support those organizations that want to take basic freedoms from your child? Are you? 

So it’s about more than just a chicken biscuit. The chick is contributing money to these organizations that want to “protect” marriage, and take our liberties and freedoms away. They contribute money to those organizations that continue to educate the idea that homosexual people are less than everyone else. They contribute money to the “sanctity” of marriage. Because people like Tiger Woods, Jesse James, Arnold Schwarzenegger and John Edwards are really protecting its sanctity. That’s who my role models should be. The 72 hour Kardashian wedding, the Britney Spears wedding weekend and Sinead O’Connor’s sixteen day nuptials are “normal”. They contribute money and time to organizations that spread the word that a homosexual relationship is something to be afraid of. It’s that fear that keeps us in constant fear.

I hate that I have to worry that my love for Kaitlyn could cost her her life.

Family Ties

I have to start this one off by saying, "whew". Father's Day is over and I can say, this has been the easiest one so far. I got my cry out early and then I had a really fun day with my friends. I actually had a great weekend with my friends. I saw my best friend Friday & it was so much fun. I miss seeing her, hopefully we can make more time for that. Saturday we went to a very fun party (as all Gaskey parties are). Sunday we boated around Lake Lewisville & hung out with the Fuller's & Reiter's. I didn't stop by the cemetery; I didn't need to for some reason. I thought about my Dad all day, but I had some sort of peace about it this year. Much of my life has turned from heartache to happiness since Kaitlyn moved here. It was so hard being states away, but now that she is here it is all a distant memory.

The pain of loosing my Dad still stings every day, but it is a different kind of pain now. I would describe it as a scar that has finally healed over. It will always be there and I will always think about it. But it is starting to heal and soon I hope I can look at it with true fondness and without such debilitating pain. I am starting too, the path to true healing is being paved out. I thank Kaitlyn for that, among so many things.

Moving on - today's blog is about family ties. It's no secret that my family life is... complicated. It's not fair to pinpoint one family member or one family incident that attributes to it's current standing. It is just, complicated. It bothers me to say "They are my family, so I love them". It bothers me because if I were describing my two close groups of friends I would say, "I love them, so they are my family". If I was in a crisis situation and I had to pick five people to call, not one would be a member of my own family. It makes me sad & I hope it's not always like that for us. I hope somewhere down the road my family can repair itself.

But if not, I consider myself so very lucky for the friends that I have, that I consider to be my family. They all know who they are, I don't have to tell them. But I wanted to write this to make sure they all know just how grateful for them I am. Every difficult situation I have faced in my life has been made easier because of them. If they didn't know it before, they should know it now. I love each of them for giving me blessings in my life, and I can only hope that they would say the same about me. I hope everyone has people they can say this about in their life. I hope everyone feels the blessing of a loving friendship in their life. It can carry you through anything.

So this one is dedicated to my friends. I love each of you & I thank you for being you. You are all awesome in your individual ways & I hope you know how wonderful you all are!  <3

P.S. - Tune in later this week, I am sure my sarcastic nature and humorous words will be coming back to me :)

Weapons of Mass Destruction

**warning, offensive language may be used**

As if that would stop any of you, haha.

First, to follow up on my first blog. I was right, Kaitlyn read it and gave me a five minute hug :)
Second, it was so uplifting to hear support from our friends. To be honest, I never hesitated to hit "post" before I put my life and my thoughts out there. But in our situation, it's always in the back of your mind, wondering how people will react. So thank you to everyone who had something positive to say.

Coincidentally, that evening after my first post we were at a sporting event & we heard (to date) one of the most ignorant rants I can remember. If any of you watch baseball, you know a pitcher will often check the running back to first base by throwing over there repeatedly. The opposing pitcher did this two or three times and we all joined in on the boo's, because that's just what you do. However, it quiets down and against the peace of the evening, a twenty-something female yells - to the opposing pitcher -"You f*cking faggot! Throw the ball!! You're so gay, you're so gay! F*cking ridiculous. He is so gay".

Whoa. What the...

I stopped mid chew and I look over to see Kaitlyn's equally puzzled face. Did I just hear that correctly? We are sitting two rows in front of the ignorance, but I feel like someone has just slapped me in the back of the head. I can feel my face starting to burn red. I sit for a second and decide to keep my silence or argue with the ignorance. After careful thought, if someone is willing to shout these malicious words in a stadium of 39,000 people, my two minute tirade isn't going to change their opinion. Somewhere along the road they missed the p.c. lesson. They should consider themselves lucky I guess that no one else was seated very close to them that wasn't so keen on keeping their mouth shut at the situation. I can picture in my head a few of my friends that would have said something to them. And it would not have been pretty. Perhaps on a different day, in a different situation I would have been able to say something to them. But this was just not the situation to do so.

I then decided to pray for them. Not so much that they suddenly learn some life lesson or that someone bitch slaps them into reality (not that I didn't feel a tingling to do so for a brief moment). But I pray that they don't encounter the same hateful speech someday. I mean, what the hell. What happened in this person's life that in the middle of a ball game, they decide it's appropriate to yell something like that? I hate that in today's speech words like "gay" & "retarded" are synonyms for "stupid" & somehow mean they are less than their peers. People that are clinically retarded are not stupid. Just like gay people are not less than straight people.

So that's the point of this blog. I don't mean to sound preachy or like I'm constantly standing on my soapbox telling other people what to do. That's not my point. I'm not perfect and I have certainly mis-used words in the past. It took proper educating/teaching for me to truly understand the power of words; how words can be come a weapon of mass destruction. I had a teacher in high school whose son was clinically retarded. One day in class she heard a student calling another student retarded - meaning stupid. She took it upon herself to stop the entire class and explain to her how hurtful those words were to hear, because of her son. I remember that day very clearly. I thanked her for that lesson, and it something I have carried with me since that day. So my friends, you do have the power as one person to change the opinion of many. All it takes is for you to believe in yourself that you have that power. I didn't stand up to the person at the ballpark. But I am writing this blog for you today in hopes that you remember this story and vow to at least be careful of your words. They are powerful.

Bullying has become a serious epidemic in this country. But it is something that can easily be fixed. It's up to each of us to do so. Embrace this power for yourself and make a change. It's up to us :)

Take 1

First blog. Should I be using an instruction manual or something for this? Surely at this point in my life I can write my own thoughts without having to worry about offending someone else. But probably not.

I have been contemplating a blog for quite some time. But between work and fun stuff, it kept getting put off. But I am going to make time now. I'm sure everyone reading this has just been dying to hear all my random thoughts! Ha.

Today's blog will be about two things. One, what has been on my mind for about the past week. And two, (dum dum da dum), gay rights.

Father's Day is coming up on Sunday, and I can safely say it's the most difficult day of the year for me. It will be six years in September since I lost my Dad. For anyone that has lost someone, I'm sure they can relate that six years is hardly anything but also a lifetime. I can't even put into words. Kaitlyn has the lovely pleasure of dealing with me all week and in particular on Sunday, but as always she makes everything seem happy. I don't know if I ever tell her enough how much she means to me. Probably not, but I am sure she will read this and then hug me and cry, and then I'll know she knows. But back to my original thought. On these types of holidays I go visit my Dad at the cemetery. It is usually busy with other people doing the same thing. It reminds me every year how short life is and how we should live it to the fullest. But does anyone do that, ever? Can you say you do that? My life before September 17, 2006 and after are completely different. I prefer this version of myself and I have to be grateful that in loosing my Dad, I found myself. After his death I blazed this path for myself and I haven't looked back. Only a handful of people truly knew me both before & after and I think they would tell you the same thing. So thanks Dad, for giving me that. Sunday I will be sad but I'm sure Kaitlyn will distract me from myself, she always does.

 Onto my second topics, gay rights. Everyone and their mother seem to have an opinion on this topic. With it being election season, it's splashed around everywhere. It's both annoying and helpful at the same time. It's lovely that people want to take a stand and many celebrities and political figures are so willing to put their support out there. But at the same time, it is frustrating. Only someone who is in our situation can relate. Being in a relationship with someone of the same sex can be difficult if you let it. I'm lucky in that I am a full grown adult and I didn't have to deal with this as a teenager. It's a hard lesson to learn, that not everyone will love and accept you. It's something we always have to think about and protect ourselves, in situations many people take for granted. Even doing something simple, like going to the movies together or getting some food together, we get the looks. Whispers and stares. It used to really bother me. It still annoys me, but we just have to pick the right places to go, where people really won't care who we are. We have learned to surround ourselves with positive people that accept us for who we are. I read things all over the internet where people take very vicious stands towards people like us. I could go on and on about it forever - but I will just say this, I really wish people would get their noses out of our business. I don't come over to your house, walk inside and start telling you all the things I think you "should be doing". So why do people feel the need to tell us? There are PLENTY of heterosexual couples that I don't think should be together. But I don't feel the need to get in their business. If the worst thing I do is love Kaitlyn forever and beyond that, do you REALLY CARE? If God chooses to allow us to have children, and we teach them all the same lessons of love and acceptance towards others unlike themselves, are we really making mankind worse? If you don't agree with how we choose to live our lives, then do just that. Don't agree. But keep it to yourself. I don't care to hear your opinion. We both work, pay our bills and taxes, don't contribute to the national debt, take care of two beautiful animals, try very hard to be humble about our blessings and let our faith lead us. If you read that last sentence and it made you think we are good people, then why does it matter we are both females? Like I said, I could stay on my soapbox forever about this. But I will end with this last thought. God doesn't end all his teachings with "but only if you are straight". They are for all his children. Every single one.

This is it for today. My head is always full of thoughts so I am sure it won't be long before I have more.
Enjoy the day!