Sometimes, life can be really difficult.
A lot of people come in and out of our lives, they are sometimes here a short while and then you go your separate ways. People move, they die, they simply stop calling. Sometimes there is a reason, sometimes there isn't. It takes two to make a relationship work, and it takes two to make it fail.
A few months ago, something happened between me & my aunt. I made a poor choice in judgement, for which I repented and said I was sorry. Apparently, my sorry was not the "right kind of sorry", and we haven't spoken in 6 months. Loyalty is funny - because I also haven't talked to either of my cousins, or my uncle because of this incident.
They have continued to have family functions, gatherings and parties without me. My mom has gone & they have not included me. I didn't really think anything of it until the one cousin I am speaking to told me that they lied to her about why I wasn't there.
It really hurt.
But .... It has been 6 months and at this point - I don't really know what to say to them. I thought that our disagreement was apparently smaller than they did. I had no idea that it made them not want to include me. I had no idea that they could celebrate things and not even care that I wasn't there.
It has been 6 months, and with each passing day, I honestly find myself caring less.
That seems cold to say. But...
I still have a family. In the traditional sense, no.
I'm adopted, so I don't have the same sense of what a blood relative means. It's foreign to me.
My family is who I make it.
My family are the people I call when I am in a jam.
A few weeks ago, Kaitlyn and I got into a really big pickle. We had movers bail on us and WE NEEDED TO MOVE.
It's 11 PM, Kaitlyn is crying and on the phone with her parents. I knew I had to do something. I reached into my pocket and contemplated who to call/text.
I was fortunate to only have to think for about one minute.
My first text went to Bill. He and Ann-Renee have always been there when I needed someone. Ann-Renee and I have been best friends for many years, and I truly know that we are meant to be friends forever. Bill would do anything for us & he is the brother that I never had.
My second text went to Matt. He tries to come off like a tough guy that doesn't care, but he is really a very kind person. He and Cara would do anything for you that they could.
My third text went to Steph, because she more than anyone would have jumped out of bed and into the car (bringing Joe along) if I asked her to. She and Joe have been the greatest, they let Scout stay for a few weeks when we were in a bind and took care of her like we couldn't.
Over the course of moving into our new house, we have had all of our friends help us, without asking for a single thing in return. Laura took not one, but two trips with us to get our washer and dryer. Colby answered all my silly tenant/renter questions. Shay, Julie, the Gaskey's and the Cortez's have been checking on us since we have moved, to see if they could help in any way. Even though we will miss them Saturday, Brittney and Amber were kind enough to get us something that matches our house perfectly.
Our true heartfelt thanks to each one of you. Kaitlyn's family is not here & I am not really sure of where I stand with mine. However, the comforting part is that we have each of you that we can count on at a moment's notice. We can't tell you how much that means to us. It makes me sleep easier at night, knowing that if something ever happened to me, that Kaitlyn would be surrounded by family here as well.
I don't know what will happen in the next few months between my family and I. I could pick up the phone, yes. The question is, do I want to? I haven't yet & neither have they. Are we being stubborn? Sure. If something happened to any of us, would we have regrets? On both sides, probably. But that fact hasn't stopped any of us from changing our behavior.
The holidays are a tricky time for me as it is, since my Dad is no longer with me it is still lonely at times. I have Kaitlyn & her family, but a huge chunk of me aches for him during this time. It still takes my breath away to this day. This year will be no different. I will be surrounded by the happiness of the Netherton's and that will bring me more comfort than heartache, so for that I am grateful. But if I can't reach some sort of understanding with them... I don't know what we could reconcile, ever. If the holidays don't bring us together... what will? A question I don't think I want the answer to ....
